Don’t wait until it’s too late...
5-minute read
(The opening paragraph might feel heavy, but bear with me… I promise you: it’ll be worth it.)
Imagine being on your deathbed.
Any breath now could be your last.
You find yourself looking back on how you spent your life.
The years that flew by, that had felt so long before…
The joy you experienced in the surprisingly “small” moments and “in-betweens”…
All the struggles, worries, and doubts that now seem so miniscule…
All the hours spent working or doing things that didn’t actually align with you…
Only for a realization to dawn on you…
That you never truly lived.
What do I mean by that?
I mean not actually living as your true, authentic self. The person God created you to be.
Never having pursued the dreams and visions that God might actually have placed inside of you… because maybe they seemed too big, too scary, too risky, too impossible. Maybe they seemed too good to be true.
Being consciously or subconsciously constricted by people’s expectations or opinions. Whether your family, your friends, others on the Internet… Or maybe even imaginary voices from people and experiences that have hurt you in the past.
Feeling trapped by what you felt like you just “had to do,” because you believed there was “no other way.”
Telling yourself you could never be “good enough” or “brave enough” to do it. Continuing to just remain a victim to imposter syndrome.
Justifying yourself with false humility—downplaying, undermining, and keeping yourself “small,” when God actually wants to use you in mighty ways beyond your own capabilities.
Visualizing this scene, on a deathbed, might be scary.
But it’s real and actually so common—according to countless reports from hospice workers and studies on people nearing the end of their lives (like this one here).
I think that many of us who have wrestled with this feeling inside that we haven’t been living according to our authentic selves, with most things that feel uncomfortable, really just choose to ignore this thought.
It's something that we often just push aside, rationalize away, and ignore as we go about our daily lives… why?
Because it might make us feel too uncomfortable.
It might cause us to have to do some scary things. We might need to actually face our fears.
It might cause “unnecessary pain” when things are going just “fine” as they are.
We just don’t want to shake things up.
So instead, we settle for the safety of the seemingly familiar and controllable.
Whether it’s in our work, our relationships, our generosity… we opt to try and forget about the dreams and inner “nudges”…
…even if it might mean missing out on divine nudges from God himself.
What people don’t know about launching a podcast (or any unconventional endeavor)
For me, this season of creative entrepreneurship (yes, I’m finally learning to embrace those words 😂) has honestly been so much more than just about launching a podcast, a website, or any “external” product.
At the core, it really has been a spiritual game—one that I’d heard about from many entrepreneurs who’ve gone ahead… but I didn’t truly understand the extent of it until finally, actually having the courage to step into it myself.
It's not just about the strategy and logistics… it's about overcoming the deep-seated mindset barriers fighting to hold me back.
Fear of failure… or even of success.
Fear of criticism, or perceived rejection from silence.
Fear of not having enough support, resources, or abilities to make it.
Fear that it won’t work out, and that my husband will suffer or resent me.
Fear that people are shaking their heads at me behind my back.
The list. goes. on.
Whether or not we choose to acknowledge them, mindset barriers are inevitable enemies that we will battle—and must push through—if we are to truly pursue our unique, God-given callings.
It’s a tactic from the real spiritual enemy to keep us on the sidelines.
To hold us back from the battle. To keep us confined in spiritual handcuffs and chains. To keep us quiet, disempowered, and victimized.
I've had to battle all of these things—and more—on this journey. (And I am expecting there will be only more resistance to battle through, as we keep moving forward.)
For most of my life, I’d neglected the needs and dreams inside of me—without even realizing it! I was so conditioned to think only about others... when Jesus tells us to love others as we love ourselves. (Too often we forget about the second part!)
School never teaches you how to connect with your authentic self.
We’re told “these are your options—pick one,” and we do.
And most of us just pick something, try it out, and fall into things that we’re able to do pretty decently. Maybe we enjoy it for some time. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
But this post is about situations in which we find ourselves choosing to do something simply because it’s familiar and feels safer—when inside, we know there’s more.
It’s not about how impressive your “sword” looks
God, in his sovereign timing, opened my eyes to discover that there was so much more in me he wanted to bring out. That he still is continually helping me to explore, discover, embrace.
And he reminds me of this deathbed scene… as a sobering reminder to scare me into keep me moving forward, in spite of it all.
Last Summer, I happened to meet up with mutual friends, an apostolic married couple completely on fire for Jesus and leading a missional community, in London (a total Holy Spirit story there, too).
It was one of the most best, life-giving, Spirit-filled conversations I had in a long time.
At the time of our meetup, none of us had any idea of anything that would transpire. I hadn’t even decided to transition out of my full-time job yet!
During our conversation, I broke down in tears. I didn’t understand why at the time. But looking back, the Holy Spirit was stirring so powerfully through those tears.
And this was part of what the wife had prayed prophetically over me (from my notes):
“I see a big sword in you… and am reminded of how swords in the Bible signify truth and power, like God's Word. I sense that there is a huge sword inside of you that God is bringing out—one that you haven't wielded yet.
A sword is powerful and dangerous at the same time, and I also get the feeling like it's not necessarily that you will do something that looks “big” necessarily, but more like you have something big inside of you.
…Follow the praises of God, not man.”
It’s kind of crazy reading that in light of how I’ve been experiencing God leading me in exactly this way…
I honestly have gotten some question-mark responses from people when I tell them “we’re starting a podcast!”—I assume because they don’t typically listen to podcasts OR perhaps because it’s just not as externally “impressive” as working for an established organization (whether ministry or secular).
But I’ve been encouraged in this journey, as God continually reminds me of this:
It’s actually not about what we’re doing, as much as it’s about the person we’re becoming in the process.
The world tells us we need to wield big swords to make it “worth it.”
But God tells us that all he wants is for us to come to him, so he can reveal to us the sword he’s already placed within us… that he wants to draw out. That he wants us to use!
That he will equip us to use in ways that go so much more beyond the limited, logical functions.
But, like Moses with his shepherd’s staff already in his hand (which ended up splitting the Red Sea)…
Or like David with his five smooth stones from his shepherd’s bag, instead of the heavy armor everyone else relied on (just one of which killed a militant giant everyone had been so afraid of)…
God’s invitation for us to grow in our trust in him is for us to take the step to obey… even in the very face of our fears.
(Like Jesus calling Peter out of the boat… to walk on the ocean, despite the storms around him.)
Learning from the one who was the MOST misunderstood
As self-preserving creatures, it's easy to just want to shield yourself from rejection, criticism, and misunderstanding.
Our survival instinct tells us: “Don’t take risks!”
“Just stay safe.”
In fact, to be super vulnerable with you… last night, I had a moment of anxiety resurface again, about someone's opinions of me and how they’d disapprove of me if I did this or that.
I could feel my thoughts getting pulled into self-doubt again, questioning whether or not this was all worth it… or if I should just go back to being “safe.”
Then this morning, I asked God to point me to a passage that could help me.
The first passage I opened to and saw was about Jesus being mocked in Mark 15.
I was reminded of Jesus' journey to the cross. In that moment, the perfect Son of God was the most misunderstood and unfairly treated person in the world… mocked, criticized, beaten, killed by the very people he so deeply loved.
So what kept him going?
“Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God's throne.” (Hebrews 12:2)
Jesus knew that this was all part of God's bigger plan (even his suffering).
He trusted God’s sovereignty in it all, even if it meant he’d have to suffer excruciating pain, ridicule, and shame.
He kept his eyes forward… to look beyond his current circumstances.
Jesus knew that he wasn’t called to pursue whatever would be comfortable, safe, and logically beneficial for him… but that he was called to allow God to fulfill HIS plans and purposes through his life, no matter the cost.
A clarification I feel like I need to make
I want to make something clear…
By encouraging you to live “authentically,” I am not saying “leave your 9-5” or “drop everything and do whatever you want.”
What I am saying is…
Whatever you’re doing, don’t just live on autopilot. Make intentional, thoughtful, prayerful choices that align with what you sense God telling you.
Beware of defaulting to doing things because “everyone else” is doing it. Fear God, not man.
Don’t fall into the trap of perceived safety or a desire for control… which is just spiritual enslavement in disguise.
Instead…
Genuinely seek to honor and obey God… no matter the cost.
Pursue your God-given purpose… not just your perceived “potential.”
If you sense God is telling you to do something risky or scary… ask him about it (and actually listen), instead of running away, avoiding it, or assuming you know what’s best.
I use the example of this creative entrepreneurship journey because for me personally, that’s what’s been “outside my comfort zone.”
But for some people reading this, maybe staying faithful in your 9-5 job (and seeking ways to shine God’s light in your workplace to your coworkers) is exactly what God is calling you to do!
For every person, it will look different based on your unique circumstances… and whatever God has uniquely assigned for you and your time here on earth.
So what’s holding you back from obeying God wholeheartedly?
I hope this reflection encourages you to keep running towards Jesus, despite the obstacles you may face.
To keep seeking him and his voice, despite the distractions and noise of the world around you.
To keep growing in your boldness, courage, and faith to pursue all he wants to do in and through you—despite the temptation to just stay in your comfort zone.
To be encouraged that it’s actually not even about you, but all about what God wants to do through your obedience—for his bigger Kingdom plans!
You got this… because Jesus’ got you.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)
It won't be easy, and there will be moments of doubt and fear.
But life is too short to let the enemy’s lies and fears hold us back from living the life that God has called us to live.
Remember that the Spirit of the living God is with you and is there to empower you.
He wants to help you and show you he can do so much more with less, than you could ever do with more.
All he needs is your courageous, faith-filled “yes.”
Don't wait until you're on your deathbed to realize that you never truly lived.
Application for your own life:
If this reflection spoke to you, I really encourage you to intentionally set aside some time to be still and quiet before God… and really talk about this with him.
Don’t. Put. It off. Because you’ll just keep “putting it off” until one day it’ll be too late. (We’re not even guaranteed tomorrow!)
Ask God to reveal any areas in your life where you’ve felt like you’ve lived inauthentically… like you know you’re just doing it because you feel like you “have to,” not because you truly have peace about.
Journal it down. Don’t rush it.
Ask him to lead you to Scripture that speaks to you. Look up verses or passages that he brings to mind for you.
Just be honest with yourself—and with him. (He doesn’t shame you… he wants to help you.)
Ask God for his divine discernment.
Often, God will call us to do things we don’t feel like doing.
But there’s also a big difference between holy suffering (obeying God despite the discomfort we must endure) versus the kind of suffering that comes from us not living aligned with our unique, God-given design (so we settle for living according to others’ pre-defined boxes or expectations).
Process your reflections with some trusted, godly mentors and/or friends.
Or, seek out professional Christian counseling, coaching, or spiritual direction to help (always SO helpful!).
Ask God for his strength, courage, and wisdom to pursue whatever it is he’s nudging you towards… and would you choose to walk by faith, knowing that no matter what happens, his grace is enough.
“And it is impossible to please God without faith.” (Hebrews 11:6)
“…And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20)
“The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.” (Proverbs 29:25)
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Can you relate?
We invite you to share your thoughts & reflections below—we’d love to hear them! You never know who else will read this whom you could encourage, too! ❤️
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