Episode 11: Christian Mindset NeuroCoach: Overwhelmed by Work? How to Break Free From The Cycle of Doing - Alicia Michelle

episode
Written By Grace & Alex Tran

Ever feel like work is swallowing you whole… like you're drowning in deadlines, responsibilities, and a constant pressure to do more than you might even be able to handle?

Alicia Michelle, certified Christian Mindset NeuroCoach and host of The Christian Mindset Coach Podcast, joins Grace to open up about her personal journey of nearly losing her life to workaholism, what she’s learned and how she’s changed since then, and how her experiences ignited her mission to help others find LASTING FREEDOM.

We dive into the REAL reasons why we push ourselves to the brink - and practical ways to leverage tools from neuroscience AND lean on the power of the Holy Spirit and God's Word to BREAK FREE from the trap of overworking.

It's a powerful combo that will revolutionize the way you approach work - and the rest of LIFE.

This isn't just about quick fixes, "life hacks," or temporary relief...

It's about unlocking KEYS that DON'T often get talked about, that lead the life of freedom, peace, and empowerment that God desires for you.

If you ever feel trapped in a never-ending cycle of work, anxiety, restlessness, and worry... you are not alone.

We pray that this episode speaks to you and helps you in whatever situation you might feel stuck in. 🤍

TOPICS:

  • 0:00 - Intro

  • 2:19 - How Alicia almost lost her life to workaholism & what it taught her

  • 6:16 - How to differentiate between healthy ambition vs. overworking

  • 9:33 - The hidden culprit of pride vs. embracing God-given limitations

  • 13:21 - How to break free from the constant pressure and overwhelm of work

  • 15:31 - Identifying underlying soundtracks

  • 17:41 - The 3 core questions around identity/worth

  • 18:52 - The problem with willpower & just knowing Bible verses

  • 24:50 - The beauty of the process God takes us through

  • 29:20 - Emotions as opportunities

  • 29:45 - The enemy's "slippery slope" tactics

  • 31:29 - How to protect your mind in toxic environments

  • 33:56 - Key practical step you can take anytime

  • 36:05 - Free training resource

ABOUT OUR GUEST:

Alicia Michelle is an author, speaker, certified NeuroCoach and host of the award-winning The Christian Mindset Coach Podcast. Through her coaching, courses, and Bible studies, she equips Christian women with practical brain-and-biblically-based tools to break free from the worry and exhaustion of perfectionism, people-pleasing and performance that come from feeling “never enough.” Access one of Alicia’s free brain-science and biblically-based mindset trainings at VibrantChristianLiving.com. You can also connect with her on IG at @aliciamichellecoach.

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Transcript

[0:00]
Hey everyone, welcome back to our podcast!

We're so excited to have a special guest with us today, but before introduce her, I do wanna give a caveat: if you're watching on YouTube, Alex is not here, one half of our podcast is not here today, he is on a work call, unfortunately couldn't reschedule, so he gave me his full permission to run this interview myself. So, I'm very honored and blessed to have our guest speaker all to myself.

So, today's topic is on how to overcome being overwhelmed with work. We hear this so much from people, you know, when we are praying, or when we are in community, and everyone's just sharing their struggles.

I would say 80 to 90 percent of struggles are all related to work: Busy at work, stress with work, having too much work. And this is a very common topic, especially in the Bay Area where we are. But I know it's true anywhere.

I personally came across this podcast, you have to check it out, it spoke to me so much that I reached out to the host who is here with us today. And I just want to welcome you Alicia to the podcast!

Hey, thank you so much for having me on! I'm so excited to talk to you about this today.

We're so honored. I know that there's gonna be so much revelation and insights that will help people through this conversation.

Can we just start from the beginning,’cause I know some people don't even, maybe have never heard of what a mindset coach is or a NeuroCoach, so could you just talk a little bit about what that is, what you do, and maybe a little of your story of what led you to specializing in this area?

Yes. So, like you said, I'm Alicia Michelle. I am a mindset coach for Christian women, and I specifically work with these deep soundtracks or core stories that we tell ourselves that keep us stuck in things like perfectionism and feeling not enough and workaholism and performance. What are the things that are driving us that are behind that?

And using the truths that we know to be true about science, our brain science side, to use that as a vehicle to deliver the life-changing truth of God's Word. So combing science and faith together to be able to get that healing.

It's amazing then to, to be able to combine both of them together and to see the science, how it just more fully reveals the power of God and how he put our brains together.

[2:19]
So that all started in my own story. I have always felt a call to work with women. Have been working online in that area, working with women since 2010.

But in 2017, I had a huge issue come up in my own self, and that was I nearly lost my life to this whole idea of overwork, and needing to keep up, and do, and go, and never stop.

So had this, this whole thing happened, which we won't go into all the details, but basically this big medical crisis, where I was in the hospital for about eight days, and then I was on bed rest. Just couldn't do anything for about eight months.

Everything in my life was stripped away: my ability to take care of my family, my ability to homeschool my kids, my ability to write, to work online, everything.

I could not sit up. I couldn't look around, like everything gave me massive headaches. I was on all of these blood thinners because of what had happened to me. I had to go to the doctor several times a week to have my, my counts tested, all the stuff that it was just like: okay, this is serious.

And God had told me that this is- I'm giving you a second chance, ‘cause he'd been warning me for years about that idea of doing too much. And people had said, “you really need to slow down” or, you know, “you need to take breaks more.”

I was sleeping around four hours a night. I would go to bed at 12:30, and wake up at 4:30, and even then, I wasn't really sleeping, I was just kind of tossing and turning.

So it just, you know, when you're sitting on your back, and you're like, “How did I get here? And how do I get out of it?”

I mean, I was really good at hacks, like, oh, well, maybe I'll just do this and try to hack my way out of it, but I realized very quickly- God was like, this is not about hacks, right? You need to understand how you got here, and what's keeping you here, because unless you change that, you're not going to change the situation. You're gonna go right back to being the way things were.

And so it really was this this deep figuring out of, okay, well, what drives me? Why do I feel so driven to only allow myself four hours of sleep to just keep working, keep working, and it still never feels like it's enough?

And so as I began that discovery and learning about how there really were these things inside of me that I had been telling myself for years, that I didn't even realize were there, that I needed to work in order to be good enough, I needed to perform in order to feel like I was… that I was enough, that I was good, that I was loved, that I was worthy of something.

And so God began stripping all that away. And in that process, I understood and learned more about how my, how our brains are put together and ended up eventually getting a certification as a NeuroCoach, so understanding how those thought processes are put together, understanding where they come from, how to, how to use the brain science to remove them and rebuild them, is what I was trained in that area.

So yeah, eventually I just really began to see this is the piece that's been missing for a lot of the women I've been working with, this ability to use the brain science and the Bible together to get to the motivations that are behind it.

And so that really shifted everything for me in 2017, to just really focusing on what are the mindsets behind why we're stuck in these areas. That is kind of how I've gotten to this point now of doing what I do. It was born out of my own story and my own need, but see, as you said in the beginning, before we started, when we were praying, like, you, God, use those broken pieces, those broken stories to give us this ministry, to give us a new way to shine his light.

Yeah. Exactly. Wow, there are so many nuggets in that one tidbit you just shared. I'm like, we could literally go in so many areas. But, I just wanna say thank you Alicia, because I think just you sharing that, I think will resonate with so many people.

I was just imagining, like, so many people have restless nights, are working all day, even on weekends. I remember, you know, back when I was in tech, it was a normal thing to ask, like, oh, are you gonna work this weekend? Like, “What's, what does your weekend look like?” “Oh, I'm in the office. Oh, I have a lot I need to get done.” And it just becomes as normalized culture to work a lot.

And I think it does come from a healthy ambition, right? Like a healthy desire to, especially if you're a Christian, to want to be faithful, to wanna not be lazy, you wanna use the gifts and opportunities that God has given you to steward.

[6:16]
But because you talk about, ‘cause you've done so much research in this area, and from your experience, what are some maybe warning signs or ways that people can differentiate a healthy ambition to work hard and be diligent, versus overworking and going beyond what God actually wants you to do?

I'm gonna give you kind of a boring answer, but it really does start with being able to take that time to listen to what's going on inside of you, and spending that time before God.

It's really easy to just stay pushing, stay working, stay busy… and to not check in with the Lord, and when we do check in, to not pay attention to maybe what he was saying, because that was me.

I was checking in with God. I was spending time with God. But I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, you know, I wasn't listening to what he had to say. Like, this is not what you need to be doing

 It starts with that time, whether that's a quiet, just, you know, if you’re driving to work and just turning off your radio for a minute, and just being still and trying to listen to the voice of God as to what's going on inside me, why am I doing what am I doing, what am I feeling, and trying to identify that.

Obviously, spending time in God's Word is critical to understand all that, too. But just starting to notice: Am I working because I feel I am needing to prove something, or am I working because I know this is my call right now and it's what I need to do?

What is my motivation for doing this? And even if our motivation is pure and good, what am I doing to support myself as I'm doing this?

Because God will never call us to do something that's not going to keep us strong to do the work, if that makes sense. So he wants to give us the manna to do the work, but if we are the ones pushing it away, like, it's just not going to be effective, and we're going to burn out, and we're going to have all these things start to happen to us and break down.

He, for example, in my life was giving me people who were telling me: it's time for you to stop, time for you to slow down. But I was so blinded and not willing to address those underlying issues that I couldn't even see it.

So I think it's a combination of saying and listening to God, like, what is my motivation for doing this? Show me what might be getting in the way if I feel like, well, if I stop, what's going to happen to me? Who am I if I don't work? Who am If I don't work every weekend, or if I'm not getting those checkboxes from my boss, or whatever it is… Who am if this was all taken away and then how am I taking care of myself in this? Am I taking care of myself? Because we need that to be able to do what he's called us to do.

I mean, he may be calling you to a season where, you know what, this is going to be a more intense season for you, but he's gonna give you the mana to do it, and that mana is you taking responsibility to take care of yourself.

So like, for me during those seasons when I was, I mean, I had four young kids, I was homeschooling them, I was working online, my husband traveled 50% of the time. I mean there, there were things that I could not change. We don't have family locally to help me with babysitting and things like that. So there were things that I couldn't change.

It was more intense season in terms of that. But I was doing a lot of it beyond my energy, because I wasn't taking care of myself, and I was doing a lot of it with the motivation, for the wrong reason, out of fear, out of needing to prove things. So, I would start with those two things, I would say.

You know, you were like, it sounds basic. It's not basic at all. It is- It's right in front of us, right? Like, God tells us to, to come to him, if we're weary and heavy laden, and he will give us rest.

[9:33]
And I always think of that verse in Matthew 11, ‘cause it just strikes me how God doesn't tell us to take a nap or take a spa day. He tells us to take the yoke with him and learn from him, work with him.

So you're exactly right, that God doesn't want us to be perpetually striving, burnt out, exhausted. But I think, I think our culture just glorifies that so much like, oh, good job to these people who spend all week, you know, all night sleeping at the office, like, like they get the promotion, you know.

Yes! That’s how I felt, Grace. That's how I felt. When I was in the middle of that, I was like, there was this pride in me. So I think that's something else to check. Like, I don't need to sleep eight hours. I can, look at all that I can do in four hours.

And people wear that as a badge, like, maybe I'm just more special. Maybe I just have more supernatural strength than you. (Right. Yeah.)

And it just reminds me of, I'm sure you're familiar, too, but like, Pete Scazzero wrote in Emotionally Healthy Discipleship about the critical aspect of embracing your God-given limitations. And I remember, when I first heard that, I was like, what are limitations? Like, what is he talking about?

Because we think, if you have that mindset, you think, a limitation is going to get in the way of what I need to do. And the other thing that gets in the way are our emotions. So if you're, if you were to say, oh, I'm tired or I'm exhausted, it's like, well then just get over it. You need to keep going. This is what's in front of you.

And that's what I would do. I wouldn't address the fact, the very real fact, that I was tired. I was worn out. I had these things that I was struggling with. There's this really mean voice inside of me, that was like, you need to do it. It doesn't matter. Suck it up. Make it happen.

And wow. Wow. That was destructive, so distractive. And now that I'm on the other side of it, it's so interesting that we're having this conversation in this season, because I am stepping into a season where, just in the last few weeks, I've seen the Lord increase my land, so to speak, right? Like, just things that I'm being able to participate in, projects I'm being called to, I am just about to sign a contract to write my first book, all of these exciting things that are happening that, I was sitting along with the Lord the other day and thinking about it and asking myself:

Why do I feel like, just this pressure with it? And I realized that there's that little voice in me of, like, I don't want to go back. I don't want to go back to that place where I have all of these responsibilities and things that I've, whether I've put them on myself, or other people put them on me, and I am living that for hours of sleep, pushing myself, working on the weekends, everything is second to my job. I don't want to go back to that.

And the Lord was just so kind to remind me: My daughter, I have taken you so far and brought you so much healing. I've held off all of these things because you have allowed me to do this work in you and now it's going to be okay. We're rebuilding it. We're creating a different future in this. Now we have a different way to do it.

So it's exciting, but it's, it's like we have to admit, like, okay, it's going to be all right, I'm going to be okay.

But yeah, he'll bring us to those places again. Like, I used to say to my kids when they were really little, like, they would, I don't know, say something in the moment, you know, do something that wasn't really wise, and then we would talk about it.

And afterwards, I would say now, you know, the situation's going to come up again, God's going to bring you to that situation again, and he's going to give you the opportunity to make a different choice next time.

So you get to decide how you're gonna live. He's gonna present it to you again. He is a loving God, he will never force himself on you or force you to change, but he's going to present you with that opportunity, and you get to decide: am I going to learn from what I did, or am I gonna make the same decision?

So it's kind of like, that's kind of how I feel in this moment. And just to say, yeah, wow, I can make a different decision. And wow, look at what you have done in me. I'm so grateful to step into this. It's not a fear to step into it.

It's so real, though, because I think with anybody, it's almost like PTSD, right? (Yeah.)

Like you've been through (yeah) the hardest of the hard things, you've been broken (right), and you don't wanna do that again. You don't want to repeat those patterns.

[13:21]
For someone listening, who, maybe they don't even know, like, how to get to that other side, like maybe they are going through the breaking right now. They're feeling overwhelmed with work. There's just so much going on. They feel this perpetual need, like maybe not even need, but just like, pressure all around them. Like, I just have to, there's no other way. How can that person find freedom from that?

Well I think if you're in the middle of that situation, and you're wanting to break out of it, first that's a, that's a good place to be, because if you're saying I don't want to be here anymore, that is the driving force that will change you. That is the why that you need. You need to figure out why this is no longer a fit for you and your life.

There might be seasons, where we said where you have to push, and that's something you need to work out with God in terms of like taking care of yourself and all of that. But if you're in a place where you're like, I cannot do this anymore, I would encourage you to stop and to figure out why? Why can't you do this anymore? What does it costing you? What does it costing you? 

And then you have to answer this very important question. You have to answer: is it more painful for me to stay where I am and living with this, or is it more painful for me to make change to be different?

Because until you figure that out, you're not gonna make change. If it's less painful for you to stay where you're at, you're gonna stay where you're at.

Our bodies and our brain, especially, is always moving towards pleasure and away from pain. So, we have to really understand: What is this costing me? How is it stealing from me? What do I really want in life? Do I want this?

If it's just that perpetual, ongoing thing, which a lot of us may, I would argue most of us, are in, we’re in that just slog of like, it's never ending, I've done this, and then this, and then this, I would just ask yourself: is this the life that I want? What is it taking from me? And is it more painful for me to stay here or to go somewhere else before I change? 

Yeah, and that does require, just like you said, discernment as you hear from the Lord, because sometimes there are seasons where he wants you to stay and be faithful in what you're doing and, and persevere, right?

But I think you're, the point you're also talking about, is sometimes we can get stuck there and use that almost an excuse of, well, this is just, you know, me being faithful, when actually God wants you to be healthy and to be thriving and resting in him.

[15:31]
That is crucial to identify: what is the driving force that is making you spin in this hamster wheel, right? We can do that with counseling, we do that through coaching, of course.

But if somebody has never, you know, even thought of that or they don't know how to identify it, what is something that could help them identify those underlying things?

That's a great question, a huge question, but I'm gonna try to sum it up in a few things. That is the work we do in the Christian Mindset Makeover. The first four weeks of the program, we try to figure out what is that soundtrack that's in there, that's driving you to do XYZ activity, whether it's perfectionism or whatever.

And so, some of the things that we tackle, which, again, this is the hardest part of the course, because we're going into the mud and we're stirring up the pot. We're getting in to figure out what is underneath all of that, because we don't just, we can't change those behaviors unless we really understand what is the root of it.

Again, we're not just slapping on little hacks, to try to fix it. We have to say, what is keeping you stuck in this? Because it's the subconscious patterns that are keeping you stuck.

Because as Christians we’re told, well, I'm just supposed to trust God and God loves me, and those are truths. But if we have, if we don't feel safe in God, if we don't feel like, we can trust him with these difficult things in our life. If we feel like if I let go of this, will you pick it up, God? If there's any God issues, even though we go to church, we love Jesus, we do the Bible studies, like, what is under there? What truths have we believed about God, or about what we think God thinks of us, that our changing our view of ourselves?

So figuring that part out is huge and really establishing, we have a list of 50 “I am” statements in that week where it's like, this is who I am, this is who Scripture says I am, this is who God is. Do I have any lies in there?

And not looking at it from a, you're so bad you have these lies. But like an honest, just grace-filled, compassionate conversation and I'm saying, conversation, meaning exploration with God, to say like, wow, that's really interesting, almost like a reserved kind of a perspective, like, this really interesting that that's there. Interesting. I wonder how that got there. I wonder why that's there. So in this safe place, looking at those things.

And then we explore all kinds of stuff. We talk about how the brain is set up. Why we can hold on a certain patterns.

[17:41]
The three big questions that I would address if we were to work through this would be: how have I been told, or how have I, meaning, how's my brain figured out how to be worthy, how to be enough, and how to be loved?

Those are the three questions around identity. And if we have set up in our brain, based on past experience, based on, well, I was really good in school and so that made me feel worthy, or my parents gave me approval when I did the right thing or when I worked hard, I felt good about myself and when I didn't, I didn't feel good about myself. Like all these patterns are formed. That is what has to be dealt with before we can move forward.

And then other aspects. Like, what do I need to let go of? What do I need to pick up? What things have I been trying to control that are out of my control? What's my responsibility to be able to do certain things? Do I need to confess certain things? Do I need to stop believing that I can change certain things about the future because of, whatever, lots of stuff.

Lots of those kind of deeper questions that we explore and we figure out, so that we can say, okay, what I've been telling myself is I have to perform to feel good about myself. Like, we kind of come up with this whole thing of, wow, it makes sense that I'm feeling like this, because this is what I saw growing up. This is what I have been reinforcing, and so this is why I'm stuck on that pattern.

[18:52]
Because the thoughts are going to determine the actions. So figuring out what is that thought pattern in order to figure out how to change the action, versus just saying, I need to be different, and using willpower, because that's not going to change.

Willpower is not going to fix it, because willpower is just the prefrontal cortex. That's not going to fix a subconscious problem that's been going on, that we're running from.

All that's to say, just getting to the root of what that question is, and then, as part of this brain priming process that we do, figuring out what is the reality? What is the truth about how God says I am?

Because as a Church, we often wanna just jump to that. We just want to say, well, just believe that God says you're enough, and you're good, right? That's true. But if we don't go through the first part of figuring out why it makes sense that we have these patterns, we're just kind of trying to slap a band-aid on something that's not healed.

So, we have to understand the patterns first, and then ask ourselves, what is the truth around this? What do I need to hear from God in order to get the healing that I need and to move forward? What do I need to know about who I am in Christ to be able to get that healing to move forward?

So, it's a process, it's not just a quick, you know, learn this little Bible verse, and you're gonna be fine. It's a process of exploration. It's a very brave, honest, but so, so enriching and powerful and confidence-building process of getting to the other side of it.

Because when you get to that point, once you figure out, I am done with this, I cannot live like this anymore, and you get to the other side of it, it's like, wow.

Then you can use those skills to work hard and to be called to the things you're called to, but you're doing it from a different motivation. You're doing it within your own limits and boundaries. You’re respecting your body and how God made you. You're listening to God. You're not doing it to perform for God. You're doing it as a partner with God. It's radically different.

And so, you get to that other side of it. And it's just, it's a completely different way to use the workaholism or whatever it is

‘Cause I still feel that drive to achieve, and that was kind of a question I had going through that whole process. For me, it was like, but God, you've made me to be somebody who works hard. You've made me a type three on the Enneagram. Like, you've made me that person. Are you saying I'm not that, I can't be that person anymore?

And it's like, no, I'm giving you a redeemed version of that. I'm just redeeming it all and using it from a different perspective. So that this is, this is the way that I wanted you originally to do it, you know?

Yeah, to all the Enneagram three achievers out there, or people who are just so used to being driven, it's like an internal battle of, yeah, I wanna change, but this is all I know. Like, this is who I am. So am I not supposed to be this way?

And I agree. It's, it's not that you need to be a different person. It's just redeeming the unhealthy behavior, and making sure that you course correct.

What are the things that maybe have served you in the past, but God doesn't want you to stay there and live there and dysfunction?

So many of us are frustrated, we're like, I memorize all these Bible verses. I know all this head knowledge about how much loves me, and how much my worth is in him, my identity is in him, and yet, I still struggle so much with all these things. It is because we're trying to plant a garden on top of weeds. We're not taking out the things that are choking our growth and holding us back. We need to identify and take those out before we plant new things, right?

I love also like, just inviting the Holy Spirit into this process to transform you from the inside out, because I think that addresses, you know, that question of how do you see lasting transformation? How do you not backslide, and you know, relapse into your old, unhealthy behaviors?

You need to partner with the Holy Spirit, you need to invite God into the process to transform not just your behaviors, not just your actions and outward, like you were talking about the quick life hacks, you know, to fix what you're doing. You need him to transform your beliefs, your thoughts, your perspectives, and just everything, like, your relationship with him, too.

We can't try to expect ourselves to be different if we're not going to address what it's really driving the cart, so to speak, what's really underneath it. The weed and the garden analogy is great, because so many of us are trying to shove these beautiful, perfect plants in a garden that's overrun with weeds, and we’re wondering why it's not growing.

The Word of God is powerful and can break through any thought pattern. Period. The Word of God is supreme.

I have a bowl. And first of all, I turn the bowl like this. And I try to fill it with water, and I say that the water is the Word of God, and this bowl that's upside down, if we try to pour God's word on a mind that's full of half truths and lies, it's gonna bounce off. It's a lot harder for it to absorb.

If we turn the the cup or the bowl over, and we've emptied out all of the stuff that's in there, and we try to pour God's Word in the cup or the bowl fills up with water, it can absorb it. It can hold it in a much better way.

Now, it doesn't mean, again, that if a mind that's full, it can't get in there, but we're responsible, you know, God wants us to remove those things. We're not just called to keep ingesting God's Word. We're called to take the thoughts captive. We're called to get to the root of what those are to figure out what those limiting beliefs are around our worth.

There is that wall that we see all the time. I know the truth, but I don't believe it. And that's when it's just like a bing-bing-bing sign to me, like, yeah, there's probably some sort of subconscious story, soundtrack that's under there that we can get to.

And it's so interesting to do that work, because a lot of times we don't even know what it is until we start looking at it from all these different angles. And then we're like, oh, okay, that makes sense. I understand.

And looking at it, not from like that, “I should be different, I should know better,” you know, not the “should” side, but just saying, how can I how can I look at it from how God sees it in this compassionate, “I'm here to help you, I'm not here to shame you. I'm here to help you,” side.

And the other thing I was going to say, I just had a coaching session earlier this morning with a client who would gone through the Mindset Makeover and who's now working with me in 1-on-1 coaching just to work through some additional things.

And she is going through the Makeover again for the second time, just because she's like, I just feel like there was so much in it that I need to do and go through. But what she'd said, and I'm sharing this to say, she's now on week two and she's like, I have to ask you, did you change this?

And I said, no, it's the same that it was when you went through it a few, you know, probably like three, four months ago. And she's like, wow, because there's just certain things that are just jumping out at me that where I never noticed before.

[24:50]
And so, when we go through that initial work of getting to the root of these things, it’s like God cleans those things out, changes us. But then he's like, alright, so we've cleaned out these these weeds in this corner, or this layer of weeds. There's all this stuff under here that we can work through, too.

But he's going to give it to us a little at a time. He's so gracious, he's so kind, to say, let's focus on this. Let's work through this. I'm here with you, and then we can make another pass, and we can find more and go deeper and deeper.

I mean, isn't that just an analogy of what it's like to grow in Christ anyway? And like, being in his Word, like, we can read the same Scripture 20 times over 20 years, and every single time it can hit us in a different way, because we've grown we've changed, he can speak truth in a different way to us.

So that's just to say that getting to the root of these things is important, and that it's a transformative part of our walk. It's a transformative process. And we might still have these weaknesses.

Like again, I'm about, like I said, I'm in this season where things are ramping up, and I have that weakness, that little voice that says, maybe you could work this weekend. Maybe you could just do a little extra work. Or, you don't have to, you can just work after the kids go to bed, you know. Some of those little things.

And I have to go, no, because I know how that turns out, and I'm not going back to that place again, and I don't need to do that to do this, because God wouldn't call me to do this and also sacrifice my health.

He is going to give me the manna every single day. Every single day. To give me the exact amount of manna to get through what he's called me to do in this season and to still take care of myself through that. So I'm not going to believe the lie that I have to do more than what he's asking me to do to make this happen.

He's gonna give me everything I need while maintaining these boundaries, and that's what I have to stand in and I have to sit in, and that's a different perspective because again, I can sit in that place with comfort because I know my worth.

Before, I would have like, been like, “Well, yeah, maybe so. But…” You know, ‘cause I had that other side with me like, I have to show up, I have to do good enough, I have to prove. It's like, that's gone, so I don't have to do that anymore.

Anyway, I could talk a long time about this, but it's such a freedom. It's such a freedom that comes on the other side of it.

Like, I think everyone can clearly see you're so passionate about this, and it's for a reason, ‘cause you've lived it, you've been through it. I'm very similar, too. I've had a similar kind of wake up-call moment, multiple times. And that's really what God used to transform me, too.

So now whenever I see other people, you know, going through these things, I just can't help it, I'm like, telling them everything that they need to know, or they need to read, or all these podcasts they need to listen to.

So I just want people to understand like, this stuff works. Like it is for a reason why, you know, God always wants us to walk with him in the process, ‘cause it's not about total, like, 24 hours, you're totally free now, no more problems that you have to deal with.

It is a journey. And it's a walk with God, and he's going to take us a different stages and different seasons of, you know, how much does he wanted to show us right now, in what way? And it's not about being like, oh I don't need God anymore, it's actually an continued dependence on him in different ways.

You were talking about the clarity, right? Like, when you know, okay, you catch yourself, okay, I need to not believe those lies and keep my commitment to myself to have healthy boundaries. I think that just speaks to the power of clarity and when you are clear about those lies and what is the truth, you know, just like you said in the priming exercise, like, what is a truth that you need to rewire your brain with that helps you to have sustained transformation when you're faced with a decision and initially, you'd be conflicted. Like, oh, should I, you know, just say no to the kids, should I just compromise and work tonight? Or, what, what am I falsely believing right now, and what is the truth?

It takes a real, connected, intimate relationship with God in all of these things. It takes an honesty before God that, when you go through a process like that, where you, you have had this, this changing on these deep levels of what you want and your motivations have shifted away from what those lies were that were underneath, you develop this intimacy with God and you realize that is a dependence, like you said, that I need to keep doing and keep going. And it's an opportunity for me to stay dependent.

Because as women who are strong and capable and talented and can do a lot of things, it's easy for us to be like, okay God, I got this. (Yeah.) I'm good. You know?

And he is so good to very lovingly remind me, you need me, still. (Yeah.) You need me. Like, let me remind you of this. I'm gonna give you you're going to be outside of what you can accomplish, even with the skills I've given you, you're going to be outside of, and so you're going to need to be dependent.

[29:20]
So I look at like these emotions that come up, these like, overwhelm, these feelings of like, I can't do this. I look at that as opportunities as just these little check engine lights inside of us, like, God is trying to get our attention. He's trying to say, this isn't what I have for you. I have a better way. Let me work with you to figure out what that is.

And there are some things we can work through kind of on a deeper more intense level. And then after that, yeah, there's gonna always be ongoing things.

[29:45]
And the last thing I wanted to say is that we need to be aware and not surprised that our enemy uses these little tactics to try to throw at us that he tries to form these weapons. That he knows that if he can try to throw these little bombs at me, he can slowly chip away. He can try to slowly chip away at that exterior. So we have to be aware of that.

And for again, if your workaholic, if this is your lifestyle and how you define yourself. Or just, if you're a hard worker, even if you've been redeemed from some of that, I have to, in my life, have to be really aware of the times, when he's like, trying to things in there to be like, yeah, like, I said, oh, you can work this weekend.

It's just this little slow slippery slope. He's knows I'm not gonna go for the hook that's like, well, just deny God and go work 70 hours a week and ignore your family. I'm not gonna ever say that.

But it's the slow little trickly thing habits that we begin to build. And we've all of a sudden we find ourselves there.

So it's just like being able to notice it, nip it in the bud in the beginning, and being like, mm-mm, not going down there. I'm not surprised that you tried to throw this at me. But I am stronger. God has redeemed me, and he's with me, and he's making me aware of it and I know what to do now in that situation.

Right. It reminds me of a phrase I felt like God was speaking to me in this season when I was wrestling through this exact thing about being with God instead of just working for him.

And I felt like God was telling me, if the devil can't sway you away from God's will, he's going to separate you from God's presence.

And God's presence is what we really need, right? It's not just doing things for God. It's really with him, abiding in him, and having everything out overflow. And everything just clicks when you're with God. It might not be smooth, of course, but you just get so much more peace and clarity and empowerment from the Spirit.

[31:29]
And I'm also thinking of a lot of people, honestly, their stress at work also comes from their environment, right? Like, everyone around them, their co-workers, their teams, they might have toxic, overworking mentalities, and they're not believers.

And so, do you have advice for people who, they want to change their mindsets, they want to operate differently, but you know, the culture around them is so hard to break away from. So how do you, how do you deal with that or even help those around you that are not believers?

Well, we first have to say that, that makes it harder, but it doesn't make it impossible. That, whether it's a work environment, or a spouse or you just have that inner pressure, you know, they're- the pressure is there, we have to decide again, going back to the why, what are we want to do with it? What can we do in a practical sense to protect ourselves and put up those boundaries to do that?

How do we protect ourselves now that we've created this, this new thought process inside of us? How do we protect that? Because we don't live in a little perfect ,protected world, like, there are people around us all the time who are critical, or who work really hard and, you know, they don't care about God, or they don't care about this or whatever.

So we have to, we have to see what are the weak points? What are the things that are boundary breakers? We call them boundary breakers, and boundary builders. So what are the boundary breakers? What are the things that are breaking those things down, and clearly identify them, and do the best that we can to manage those. And we obviously can't remove ourselves from every one of those, but what can we do to protect ourselves in those?

And what can we do to build the boundary up? What can we do to put the positive affirmation, in terms of other people maybe, or what can we do to make ourselves stronger as we're going to work to be able to stand in that environment, where we know we're going to be feeling that urge to want to overwork, or to perform? What can we do to build that boundary up.

So beginning to just figuring out what are the breakers, boundary breakers and the boundary builders?

We have a process called ADD, which is kind of acknowledging why it makes sense that I'm feeling like this, discerning what's true and what's not true ,and then deciding what steps you want to take, and that can help in building up the boundary and managing the breaking parts.

Yes, I love this. There's so much more to this, but I just wanna say for anyone listening, if this resonates with you at all, please go check out Alicia's podcast her website, as well: VibrantChristianLiving.com.

And there's a free training on there, as well, that I found so helpful that I even, I took that training and I did it with our small group. We all wrote renewed belief statements, and it's just a beginning, it really, it’s the tip of the iceberg, this conversation.

[33:56]
So besides visiting your website, looking at resources, is there any, like, practical steps somebody could take this week to start breaking free from the workaholism that you would suggest?

Just be quiet and still enough to notice what's going on inside. Whether that is journaling, whether that's going into nature, whatever your thing is to make that happen. For me, it's journaling. I have to write it out.

And just really kind of asking yourself: what's going on? You may not be able to identify, you know, it's not going to happen in one second, you know, that this is the real thing happening. But just like, where am I at? What am I doing? What am I feeling? What do I want? What's happening? You know, just noticing from that kind, loving, as if Christ was sitting right now you with his arm around you, like, honey, how are you doing? How are you doing? What's going on? 

And let it, let it come out. And begin to see what's there and ask him, Lord, what do you want me to do with this? What do you want me to do with this? Because I don't know if I like this, you know, or I need to be different, and I need your help.

So, just starting to notice what that is, and starting to do that from that kind, loving, respectful way. And whatever way that looks like to you, journaling or nature, or being alone with your thoughts, just being still, whatever.

So important. It's like the busier, the more overwhelmed we are, the more important is to get still, to get alone with God.

It's counterintuitive, but I think both of us could really attest to this, you know, no matter how much you try to push it aside, or ignore it, it's gonna resurface.

If somebody wants to connect with you, how can they find you?

I would love to be able to connect with anyone if this resonated with you and you feel like I'm just done. I need real solutions. I need more than just somebody saying, well, just believe this about yourself. I need to get to really what's going on. I would love to work with you in the Christian Mindset Makeover. I think that's such a-

I created the Mindset Makeover because I had seen this happening over in one-on-one coaching. And I wanted to create a format that I could help more people in, you know, in a more streamlined way for you to go through the exercises, do the work, do the brain priming with me, get this help. I really think of that as mindset tools. Like, we just aren't taught how to handle and deal with what's going on in us.

And so I would love to be able to be that partner to help you in that. And you can learn more about that at VibrantChristianLiving.com.

[36:05]
Or, like she had said, there is a free training that explains more behind what does that look like? What does that mean? How does the brain science in the Bible? How do we use that together to get to the root of what's going on?

That is at VibrantChristianLiving.com/mind, so you can check that out, and join me for a free training there. 

Thank you so much, Alicia. This is such a blessing even for me, and just getting to talk about this with you, I feel like a lot of people similar to me, feel seen and known, and now, hopefully, you know, the hope is that people who watch this and listen to this will have hope, will feel equipped, you know, you're not alone, you're not stuck in this state.

And, you know, there are ways that God uses the pain to give you the breakthrough that he desires for you. So we pray that this blesses you, we pray that you feel empowered and that, you know, God is with you in it. And, this is just the beginning of your journey that he wants to take you on.

Thank you so much again, Alicia. We're so glad you were joining us here.

Thank you for talking to me about this. I love it. It’s awesome.

If you liked our podcast, we wanna ask you to help more people learn how to grow closer to God and experience the fullness he has for them by taking just 30 seconds right now to rate and review this podcast or like and subscribe on YouTube. It's a small action, but it makes a big difference so we can continue serving you with resources like this! 

We'd love to hear from you about your reflections and questions for us to unpack in the future. We invite you to share this episode, tag us on social media, and follow us for more encouragement and helpful tools for living fully the way God designed you to.

We pray that God fills you with his love, his joy, his peace, and his wisdom as you continue growing in your daily walk with him. We're so grateful for you and we can't wait to see you again next week!
Grace & Alex Tran
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