Episode 16: What is “Self-Care” vs. “Soul Care” (& Why Does It Matter)?
More and more, the term "self-care" is getting tossed around in our culture and held in higher esteem.
On the other hand, it's generally much more rare to hear about "soul care."
Or, if we do (typically in Christian spiritual formation niches), it often still feels abstract and mysterious...
So today… we want to demystify BOTH.
Join us as we dive into the #1 voted-on topic that you picked in our Instagram poll:
The differences between "self-care" & "soul care. "
At times, these terms are used interchangeably or in different ways, so we explore the hidden nuances and explore why embracing both is essential for our lives...
as well as real-life examples and practical ways to engage in self-care and soul care that go beyond cliché and surface-level ideas.
We also address common challenges that prevent us from taking care of ourselves and our souls, and offer actionable tips for overcoming them, based on what's been helpful for us in our personal journeys.
We hope that this conversation helps inspire you with a deeper understanding of why God invites us to care for ourselves holistically - as well as life-giving ideas for how to put that into action.
TOPICS:
0:00 - Intro
1:03 - Where the confusion comes from
5:10 - Is "self-love" a sin?
7:23 - "Self-care" & examples
9:16 - When & how we started learning about self-care
16:44 - What is "soul care" & how does it differ from "self-care"?
23:13 - How we often wrongly view our relationship with God
31:32 - Spending time with God alone vs. with others
34:19 - Examples of "soul care"
37:08 - A glimpse into Alex's daily "soul care" routine
44:04 - A glimpse into Grace's "soul care" rhythms
45:15 - Addressing common challenges and barriers
45:38 - 3 tips for overcoming these challenges
50:50 - Action Step
51:09 - Prayer for you ❤️
GET MORE HELPFUL RESOURCES IN THE EPISODE REFLECT & APPLY GUIDE
Transcript
Welcome back to the podcast! We're so excited you guys are here. You know, recently, we actually put up on our Instagram story a poll because we wanted to hear more from you guys. Like, what you want to learn about, what you want to delve into, and yeah, we'll be posting more of those polls.
So make sure to follow us if you haven't already. But one of the top voted topics was about self-care versus soul care. Actually, it was the top. Yeah. The top one by far. Right. Yeah. Which was actually surprising because I think it's just something we naturally talk about and try to emphasize a lot in our lives, but we have both been through our personal struggles and journey with it.
So we thought we would just unpack that today and hope that some of these lessons and tips can really help you to delve into your own self-care versus soul care and know the difference between those two because we actually do need both to thrive.
Yeah, I didn't even know what self-care and soul care was. They're actually relatively new concepts for me. I first heard the term self-care about close to 10 years ago, in my early 20s. And I more recently heard of the term soul care in the last like, maybe two years.
Yeah. But I was actually doing self-care and self-care in some ways without having the term associated with it. So yeah, I feel like the terms are also confusing because technically when you think about it, soul care is self-care. But in terms of how the world uses it, the world refers to self-care as a certain kind of care.
And that's what we're going to talk about. Like the difference between the two. But yeah, we were even talking about this earlier before preparing for this episode and Alex was like, "What? Like, that's just normal life." I just feel like sometimes we don't even put a label on things, but we're either incorporating certain aspects or not.
But it is really helpful because as the world continually, I think it's an increasingly popular topic, talks about self-care, you know, like taking care of yourself, well-being, wellness, mindfulness. All these terms and jargon that we are increasingly hearing. It's really good, especially as believers, to anchor ourselves, knowing, okay, what's the difference between one kind of care versus the other kind?
Yeah, I actually want to start off with a verse that first opened my eyes to this. So I first heard about self-sell care, self-love, self-care through one of my life coach Bonnie Kim's programs. She was a past guest on one of our episodes, Episode 7. And it's from a famous one.
So we were dissecting this together and I never really caught it until we went through it together. So you probably heard of it, but reading it, it's from Matthew 22:37-39. It says, Jesus replied, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it, love your neighbor as yourself. All the law and the prophets hang on these two commandments."
What struck me, what was interesting to me was the “love your neighbor as yourself.” I always thought it was love your neighbor, period, but it's love your neighbor as yourself, which assumes that you already love yourself.
And for me, I actually struggled with self-love. Like, “I did love myself.” I thought I did, but I didn't realize it until I processed that with a life coach.
I feel like most people actually, without even realizing, struggle with it. And because I remember for me, this verse also struck me and confused me.
I remember where I was. It was in an apartment in college. We were doing a Bible study, somebody was leading it, and I just asked a question. I was like, "What does this mean? I don't really understand. Like, love your neighbor as yourself, but isn't that selfish? Like, as Christians, you think, 'Yeah, you have to give your life away to others, right?'"
And, yeah, like, don't think about yourself, anything about others. And we have this selflessness to the point of self-neglect, which is unhealthy. But back then, I didn't even know how to perceive or understand this concept.
So, I remember when people would be talking about like, self-love or whatever, I'd be like, "What the heck? Like, that seems like a bad thing." I just stayed away from it and I didn't even know what that really meant. Which we can go into in this conversation, too. Yeah.
Do you want to define what self-care is and what it isn't?
Yeah, I think before getting into that, I guess I'll touch a bit on because people are probably wondering now, like, yeah, what is self-love like? Okay, is it biblical? Is it sin?
And what I've kind of, in my journey, come to realize is it's not so much self-love like, again, in terms of how the world defines and thinks about it, right? In terms of how the world talks about self-love, it's very much like you conjure up your own kind of love inside of you. Like, you try to summon up this inner love and inner peace from within yourself.
But as Christians, I believe it's a very similar kind of concept, but not from yourself. It's actually from God who is in you. So it's actually... it can be confusing because there's overlap, but the big difference is you're not just conjuring up love out of thin air from yourself. You're actually tapping into the love that God already has for you and making sure you clear any pathways that are blocking or hindering you from receiving His love and embracing it for yourself. Easier said than done, but we'll go more into that probably in future episodes.
Yeah, I'm picturing... like someone told me it's like a lake or a swamp versus an ocean connected to a river, or a river connected to an ocean, right? One is stagnant and doesn't go pretty much anywhere. But then the rivers and the lakes that are connected to the ocean have almost an endless supply of water. Yeah. And it's... yeah, it's like that with God. That's a beautiful picture because, yeah, it's about paving those ways to be connected to the ocean of love that's already there. Versus, like, forcing yourself to be like, "Where do I find the love? Let me force it."
And it's very ironic because the more you try to force love, the less real that is because love and grace are tied together. So it's really like learning... it's an ongoing journey of learning to have grace for yourself and then through that, and again, not gritting your teeth or anything, but accepting God's grace for you and then with that, also His love for you. So that was a little tangent.
In terms of self-care, there is a parallel similarity with self-care and self-love as the world defines it as very... you know, just relax, just like unplug, just get a facial or a massage. Which, we love massages and spa treatments. I could really use one right now. But it's more about this external relaxation and rest, right? It's more about your physical, even mental and emotional, can also be a little bit... not surface level, but just not the same as soul restful care, which we'll talk about.
And both are important. Yeah. All of this. Like we are holistic beings, created in God's image–we're not just physical or not just spiritual, not just mental, emotional, relational. We're all of them.
So some examples of self-care which you're probably familiar with are, you know, eating healthy, like good foods for yourself that feed you and help your energy, help your state of mind, help your mood. Getting enough sleep, getting enough rest, exercise. Spending time with people who bring you joy and who you, like hanging around. Again, we talked about massages or other recreational activities. Like, you know, for Alex, he likes basketball and working out and massages.
We are kind of obsessed.
Yeah, and for me, I really like watching movies. And we both really like karaoke and singing and dancing. So those are just all examples of things you can do. And yeah, just doing things that you like that give you life in those aspects.
So those things are not bad at all, but just to emphasize again, they're different from the soul care that we're talking about.
Yeah. Thanks for unpacking self-care.
So like I said before, self-care is equally important as soul care. And for me, when I think of self-care, there was a season where I did not really love myself, and one of my most memorable experiences was when my life coach actually asked me to write down 10 things that I've always wanted to do but have yet to experience. So I wrote down 10 things I wanted to do.
One of them was eat Brazilian barbecue because at the time, I was out of college. I didn't have a lot of money. All-you-can-eat Brazilian barbecue can be on the expensive side, so I never really did it. So that's when my obsession started.
I love Brazilian barbecue. And I think he got me hooked too. He introduced me to it. I was like, "What? Cheese bread? Oh, that's like my favorite."
They are pretty good.
Can I rewind a bit? When you talked about not loving yourself, what does that mean? Because I think a lot of people don't even... like, it's an abstract concept. So for you, how did you... what did it look like for you, and how did you realize you didn't love yourself?
I think the most tangible way that plays out or the most tangible external way that it plays out is a lack of confidence and also just being skimpy on myself. Like, buying not quality groceries or products, just being really cheap. And that stems from a lot of different places. But that was the most evident way that my lack of self-love came to be, which was really deeply ingrained in a lot of people's culture.
Especially for Asians, we can talk about that because we're both just reminded of that because I was watching a show the other day and the dad was like shaving his son… Comment if you know what show I'm talking about. I don't want to publicize it here. It's like, I'm kind of embarrassed, but on the show, the dad talks to his son like, "Don't buy those things as expensive. What's..." and the son was trying to gift his family these nice things, and that sense of shame. I was just watching this like… we always psychoanalyze everything we watch.
Actually, I don't know what show this is.
You fell asleep.
Oh, okay.
But yeah, it's like I was just like, "Oh, that poor boy. He now has a negative association with buying nice things for himself or his family with shame and condemnation."
Yeah, that feeds into the sense of false righteousness, like, "Yeah, my dad always taught me I shouldn't buy nice things for myself because I need to save it up for more important things," but then it translates into like, you don't know how to treat yourself. The thing, yeah, even being frugal or cheap can be an idol. Saving a lot of money can be an idol.
But anyways, back to my Brazilian barbecue. So I told my life coach, "These are 10 things I want to do." One of them was eat Brazilian barbecue because it's expensive and I didn't want to spend the money at that time. And then in December, it's my birthday, it's my birthday, and then she just decided to take me somewhere. I had no idea, and then lo and behold, it was a Brazilian barbecue place. She graciously treated me and another friend.
Craving it now. Yeah, t's so, so good.
So that was my first tangible experience of self-love, like, "Wow, this person showed love to me by treating me to something that was on my bucket list."
So since then, she's also taught me so many other things, like, it's very small, like some health improvements, like you gotta drink this kind of alkaline water. I even debated paying for workout group classes because I enjoyed it, but I didn't want to pay for it. So anyways, I upgraded my life in so many ways, like buying higher quality shoes, buying higher quality clothes, paying for workout classes, going out for massages.
And we have a lot of people we admire and learn from who all say, like, "You are the most important investment. The ROI from investing in yourself pays off multiple times." Yeah, yeah, definitely. And now recently, I've started to play basketball a bit more because when you get older, I feel like you overindex on being more serious. Like, "I gotta work, I gotta hustle, gotta have a comfortable life." But then you don't really take the time to enjoy the things that you've earned.
For me, it's playing basketball. So I recently started playing more basketball with friends and by myself, and I'm okay with playing by myself and doing drills, but when a basketball's in my hand, I just... I just love it. I'm like a dog. I just want to go out and shoot, play, dribble it. So that's like self-care.
I know we kind of talked a lot about this already, but it is really important, like you were saying before we started recording, Alex, because I was like, "Oh, we should talk a lot more about soul care."But Alex made a good point in saying a lot of people don't even really- we talk about self care, but we don't really live it out. We're like, "Oh, yeah. I know I should do those things," but then we end up still people-pleasing, you know, doing things to help to be "useful" or, you know, being obligated to do things, rather than, like... what do you do for yourself?And that's a question that oftentimes I- my therapist and counselors would ask me, too, like, "Grace, what do you- what are some things that you just do purely for yourself or your enjoyment?"And I'll be honest, like, the first few times I was asked that, my mind was blank.I was like, "Mm… Not much.”Actually, many people, when asked that, they don't know.Yeah, yeah. And it really challenged me, because I was like, "Oh, wow. I guess I don't really have intentional fun for myself because, you know, I was busy and how could I just... I'm so tired all the time." And so that really... But it's just like a trap that you're trapped in. When you're tired, then you don't want to have fun, and then you're even more tired.So I've personally experienced, after being way more intentional and things, and Alex, you know, reminding me and keeping me accountable and being supportive in this journey with me, I really saw that, like, the more I tapped into having fun and like filling up in these "self-care" ways, the more I had energy, actually, to pour out onto others and also myself. So it's like a healthy cycle rather than an unhealthy one.So moving on to soul care. So this is what we want to talk about, because it's very different, but the lines are blurred. There is overlap, too, you know? Because technically, again, soul care is self-care.For me personally, self-care was my on-ramp onto soul care. Because if I didn't take care of myself, like if I was unhealthy or just not in a good emotional state, I felt like soul care would be a bit harder. If I'm feeling like crap, eating... I don't know, junk food, like burgers all the time. Nothing wrong with burgers. I eat burgers. But you know what I mean? It's like on the extreme side, like if you really don't care about you, I don't think I would have been thirsting for God or anything like that.Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, that's another podcast episode about food and nutrition with our spiritual walk. But yeah, I think, like, to your point, they're all tied together.So in terms of soul care, what we want to cover is this: it's about your spiritual health and well-being. And I think a lot of people don't really know how to tap into this because we aren't equipped. We're not taught. We hear a lot about the self-care stuff. We see it on social media. We see it in movies. But what we don't see, and it's, you know, it's hard to see these things unless you talk about this.So that's why we're glad you're here, listening or watching. The spiritual side of things is about nurturing your inner life, like your heart and soul and spirit. Your relationship with God, ultimately. And it's really about being connected with God, not just even doing, you know, “religious” activities or spiritual activities, but it's like really connecting with God, who is the source of life and peace and rest.You know, we see this all over Scripture, but this is something that the world just doesn't talk about. So that's why, you know, so many of us are just like, "Oh yeah, I know I need soul rest or whatever, but like, it's too hard," and we'd rather just escape into our self-care rituals. And then we just repeat the cycle of feeling anxious and stressed and tired and depleted.You know, we've been watching Netflix for a few hours, and then afterwards we're like, "Oh, that was fun." But now real life hits, rather than like, what if your real life could be restful, whether you're watching Netflix or at work, you know, like no matter what's happening?So yeah, this really looks like spending time in prayer and just talking honestly with God, just fellowshipping with Him, you know? How when you hang out with friends that you really like, or people you really like, you just... your tank is like full, right? You feel like, life-given, and that's exactly how it's supposed to be with God.Like, when we hang out with God, when we spend time with God, he just fills our tank, our spiritual soul tank. That's how we get refueled and continually recharged.It's looking like silence and solitude, which is increasingly hard in our culture with so many distractions and technology and noise.It's looking like also other spiritual disciplines like Sabbath, which we've talked about in previous episodes, and just other spiritual disciplines that can help you.They're not... I think the word "discipline" sounds very strict and daunting, but it's really these things that God created for our good, for our flourishing, right?I always like to say or think about how Sabbath, for example, is not a restriction or a rule to restrict us. Sabbath is actually something that God created to help us flourish, to help us thrive. And it's really increasingly hard in our fast-paced society to do all these things.But the more that we fight against it daily and choose to live connected with God, the more we are able to thrive.Interesting timing when we're recording this because right before this call, I was just talking with someone because I was so curious about how he was experiencing God. Because it felt like, 'Wow, this guy has a genuine connection with God. It seems like he has something I don't have, or he has something that I want more of.” Sorry, to rephrase that, I do have a relationship with God.And he said all these things, and this was a hot take… but he said that having a quiet time isn't anywhere in the Bible. So I thought, “Well, wow, that is interesting. I haven't really fully looked into that, but you might be right.”But what I took away from my conversation with him is that all these things that my babe mentioned, they're just tools. Like spending time in prayer, of course, praying is important. Silence and solitude, spiritual disciplines. Those are all tools because ultimately, it's all about a relationship. It's kind of like a friend or a spouse.You can schedule time to meet with a friend at this restaurant, you can text them regularly. Those are all mechanisms, but ultimately, they have to do their part as well.And so when you're... Yeah, relationships are two ways, and it's a relationship with God. So we just need to do our part in showing up, like inviting God in, quieting our minds, and then it's up to God to speak to you, to meet you where you're at.Sometimes it could be like, “Whoa, I just had the most powerful encounter with God, I just had so many revelations.” Other times, it's like, “I didn't really get much.” And that's similar to any relationship, like with friends.It could be just a normal catch-up lunch, and other times, it's like, “Whoa, I haven't seen you in a while. That's amazing stuff that you just shared.” So it's kind of like that.Yeah, that's a... Wow, I'm just thinking about so many things from what you said because I think one of the cultural narratives that we're being taught now about relationships and friendships is super transactional, right?We talked about this in previous episodes too, about how people just make friends based on what can be helpful to them and what's useful to them and who's useful to them. Though, it's not bad to look for opportunities. At the end of the day, Jesus never told us to make friends out of transaction or usefulness to us.But it is increasingly this narrative that is glorified in our society. We were just watching a YouTube video about this. There's a really brilliant entrepreneur guy, but he has a very extreme view about relationships. And he's basically like- I know who you're talking about. Yeah, we won't say his name. He has a very similar name to me. Yeah.He's really brilliant. Like we admire a lot of what he does, except you always have to filter what these entrepreneurs say through the lens of the Bible.Because yeah, Jesus, like he modeled loving these disciples and investing in them when they couldn't do anything for him. They were super ill-equipped. They were not on the same level as him.And I think as believers, it's really important for us to remember to anchor ourselves in love and like, okay, I'm not going to treat God, like my relationship with God, I'm not going to treat God like a transactional relationship because, as you were talking about, you know, sometimes you spend time with God, and it's not all fireworks and it's not, you don't get all these revelations.I'm just thinking about all the times when I personally have gone through that, too, of feeling like, you know, is God even there? What's the whole point? Like, is this worth it?But I think of how our relationship with God is a covenantal relationship. So that means we, he is committed to us, no matter what, and we are created to be committed to him, no matter what.So it doesn't matter. At the end of the day, it's not about, “Oh, I'm only going to spend time with God if I'm getting stuff from God.”Like, it's about continuing to spend time consistently with him, no matter what, just like in marriage, right?Yeah. I mean, there are benefits to God, blessings for sure, like peace, joy, love. Yeah, all that stuff. But you won't get that if you don't develop a relationship with God, and relationships take time.Yeah, it's about the giver loving the giver, not the gifts.So anyway, in many ways, soul care might not fit our paradigm of self-care because it does take intentional effort. It does take us choosing to sit down and, you know, look inside, which, I mean, it can, in many ways, feel like “work.”And in terms of self-care, we often think of just like relaxing, zoning out, not using our brains because I think, especially in our knowledge economy and workforce, it's like we just want to zone out and we don't want to use our brains.But soul care does require us to use our brains and our hearts and our souls. But the thing is, it's not even though it's not the same kind of, you know, “rest” externally, it's a rest internally, which is so crucial to being fully rested.Because if you, again, if you just try to rest in these external ways, you're not addressing the internal problems and the internal turmoil that's still inside of you.And then it actually makes you spend more money on massages, more money on trips and subscriptions and activities to try to escape the pain that you're having inside that God wants to help you find rest in.Yeah, I just, I won't name family members, but I, there's someone in my family who is, I don't, wealthy or not wealthy, but pretty well off. And this person has a nice car, a house, and, you know, all that stuff. But when I'm talking with this person, there's just something off, you know? Like when you talk to this person, like to anyone, you just seem, it just seems like, yeah, I think you're missing something or something's not right in your life, and something's bothering you. There's a spirit of anxiety. Right.This person doesn't have a relationship with Jesus, but I just feel like a lot of people do overindex on the self-care without taking care of their souls because self-care is not really measurable or tangible. Like you can't, you can't have like OKRs or KPIs to your soul. Yeah. It's not possible, right?And I think a lot of times, we think about things like, alcohol or drugs as these obviously bad things to go to or like, you know, hardcore partying all the time as these bad things to go to to find fulfillment and rest for your soul And so we have that concept, but we don't think about, you know, even self-care can be ways of trying to keep us away from God, you know?At the end of the day, both all those obviously bad things and these kind of desires, they seem like really good things, and they are good things in a way, but they're not a replacement for God. And anything that strives to be a replacement, that we see or treat as a replacement for God, ultimately, at the end of the day, is an idol and is blocking us from true connection with God, which is the only thing that can really, really heal us and free us from the inside out.So, I wanted to mention this quote from Dallas Willard. He's one of the most impactful voices in spiritual formation these past... probably century, basically. Anyone in spiritual formation will quote Dallas Willard. So I felt like it's very appropriate.But Dallas Willard said, “The great secret of the spiritual life is to relax in God. To do this, we must first learn to relax in ourselves. This means learning to be still and to let go of our need to control everything. When we can do this, we will be able to relax in God and experience His peace and love.”And, you know, there are also correlates. I just love that quote because I feel like it ties in with everything that we were just talking about.Like, we have to learn to be still and not be afraid of the introspection needed. And we also, like, the more we can relax in terms of ourselves, like our own needs and our anxieties, and letting all those things go, the more we can actually delve deeper into God too. So it's a healthy cycle in that way.And in Psalm 23, which is a very famous passage, it says, “The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters. He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right path for His name's sake.”And, I think this really stood out to me when I was reading it earlier because I was like, it says, “He refreshes my soul,” not the water, not the pastures.Those are all great, beautiful things, but at the end of the day, it's God who refreshes our souls. And it's an active participation and walking with him and learning to be led by him into rest and into the path that he wants us to walk on - with him.And yeah, again, self-care has a lot of limitations because it's largely individualistic. Like, you don't need other people necessarily. But soul care is a lot more communal. Like, you need a healthy body of believers to continue spurring you in the right direction. And it's also individualistic too, at the same time, like a personal relationship with God. But again, self-care can be surface-level relative to soul care, which is much more about your inner world, your inner state of being.And yeah, again, we can't find external solutions to internal struggles that we're having. We need soul care for deep peace and rest in our souls. We were talking about how to hang out with Jesus, you either hang out with Jesus with a group or individually. Can you expand on that? Yeah, like... Like that's the beauty of this life that we have.We get alone time with Jesus and alone time in our personal daily walks with him, but we also have community and the church as a body of interdependent believers. And I think it's when you overindex on one or the other or you're just extreme, like…For example, like Christian celebrities say this a lot, like, “Oh yeah, just my own thing. My own faith. Like, you know, I don't need to go to church or be part of a community because it's just me and Jesus, you know?”On the opposite side, it's like people who go to all the church events, all the church things, but they don't ever spend time alone. Yeah, honestly, yeah, I think many people do agree, it's very... You can either swing on one side or the other, but I think, you know, the way of walking with God is just how Jesus demonstrated when he was walking here on earth. He would go get away often by Himself and pray in solitude, and then he would also spend time with His disciples and other people and caring for, you know, for other people in need.So it's definitely, I think what trips people up is having this, like, 'I need to have, like, 50% of my time exactly like this and this,' and it becomes almost religious, like you're thinking about it in a rule-like kind of way. Whereas the way that God designed us to live is a way of grace and a way of, like… You just, like, try your best. You give your effort wherever you can, but it's all about your heart.It's not about how well you're performing or doing the right things. It's about your heart of seeking Jesus, whether it is in a group setting or it is an individual setting.And, you know, every season of your life looks different, too. So it's not just one formula or one way of doing it. I would say. Yeah, definitely.Yeah, like, yeah, like if you just had a baby, you're obviously not gonna go to as many communal events because that season of life is just more challenging. But if you're single and very mingle, then you have all the time in the world.Yeah, that was... That was me. Yes, I'm going to all the events.But you also need to spend alone time even as a single ready to mingle person because you need to have God before me in order to be a good candidate.True, true, true. Wow. Very... Wow, we can do another episode on that.Okay, so we talked a lot about soul care.So how do you actually practically... What are practical ways to really engage in soul care?So I want to quote from Dallas Willard. Dallas, our boy Dallas. So Dallas said, “The way to relax in God is to be still and listen to him. When we are still, we are open to his voice. We can hear him speaking to us through his Word, through the people around us, and through the events of our lives. When we listen to God, we will find that he is leading us in the way that is best for us.” As you were talking, I was looking over there, because we have a quote. We have, like, a board that says,”'Be still and know.” It's from Psalm 46:10.And I was reading that earlier this week, and the term “be still,” often, you think, “Oh, it's just, like, sitting and doing nothing.” But actually, it translates from the original language in the Bible, “be still” means “cease your striving.”So it's, like, more of a heart stillness.Oh, we should plug that, uh, that song, actually. What is it? Is it called “Be Still and Know” by Housefires? We've been listening to… Yes, it is. Okay.Yeah, look up that song because it's so powerful. We've been listening to it on repeat this whole week. But I think that's related to this too, like, be still, not just, like, I mean, you can if you want, like, physically still, but it's more like a heart stillness of releasing the anxiety and the franticness and worries to God.Yeah, yeah, that's great. I think that transitions us perfectly into some examples of how we can really engage in soul care.So, again, these are all tools to help you connect and listen, connect with and listen to God. But, again, it's about a relationship. These are there's not a formula for a relationship; otherwise, everyone would be following formulas for relationships, and relationships are complicated and it's complex.So here are some ways that you can prioritize soul care. So, first one, prioritize intentional time with God, whether that's prayer, talking with and listening to him. And we have more tips on this in our first episode, actually. Yes, there's meditating on God's Word, asking the Holy Spirit for personal revelation.It's journaling, journaling about your thoughts and feelings, worshiping God through music or other ways. Spending time in nature, being still and listening to God, and doing what he calls you to do. And have your will align with God's will.But I know this is, like, all tools in a big toolbox. So I just want to share how I do it. Because you might relate, you might get some snippets out of this.But, for me, I spend my time with God pretty consistently in the morning. That's when my mind is most awake. It doesn't really... There's no rule on what time of day to spend time with God. The point is just to connect and spend time with God.So, for me, I do it in the morning. The first thing I do is I try to be still. Well, first of all, I don't check my phone. On a really good day, I don't check my phone. Because I’ve found that when I look at my notifications and email, I'm already distracted. My mind's not on God, so that already throws off my day.I think scientifically, I read this somewhere where, like, when you wake up, your brain is supposed to transition from, like, I forgot, it was, like, alpha, beta, some kind of waves in your brain. But then when you look at your phone, it actually disrupts the waves, so you jump into, like, very stressful mode rather than you're supposed to transition, ease into, like, waking up naturally. So, no wonder we are... We already feel triggered and stressed if we look at our phones right away, right? Right.Right. So, I personally have my phone outside of the bedroom, um, and it's on Do Not Disturb. So it's just a higher likelihood that I won't check notifications. But on a good day, I don't check my phone. I don't open up my laptop. I just... Sometimes I eat first, sometimes I brush my teeth. It doesn't matter. The point is, technology away.But after I quiet my mind, I will do, it varies, but a combination of things. It could be... journaling down my raw thoughts. Some people call that stream of consciousness, where I literally write down unfiltered thoughts about what I'm thinking, even if it sounds so ridiculous or out there, all my anxieties, everything that I'm thinking, might do to-do list, whatever.God wants us to be honest. So I am really honest in my journal. Sometimes, actually most of the time, I sing worship. So I play music, either in the room that I do my quiet times in or a lot of times, I just go on a walk.And I wake up earlier than Grace (I'm not a morning person, I'm a night owl). Yeah, so I don't want to wake up Grace with my singing. So I go on a walk outside pretty early in the morning, like eight-ish, sometimes even before eight, and I put on my AirPods, and I listen to worship and I sing. And I feel comfortable singing outside. If anyone's watching, this neighborhood, that's who you're listening to in the morning, you're welcome.Yes, my voice. It's a joke. Because if you've heard me sing… it's a joyful noise.Definitely, it's a noise. Yeah.So I do laps around the neighborhood. I sing worship. I like it in the morning because no one's out, so they can't listen to me singing unless their windows are open, but whatever. We can't have it perfect.We should check Nextdoor. People have probably posted on Nextdoor like, "Who is that man singing so aggressively?" Seriously.Anyways, I sing worship. After that, I usually open my Bible. Many people have a plan. I don't do well with plans. I like to plan my life, but for some reason, when it comes to reading, I don't like planning. Ironically.So I actually ask the Holy Spirit to reveal a chapter or a book or a verse to me, and I'll just turn there and say, "Okay, God, what do you have for me?" I'll read it, journal it, meditate. I mean, what is that? Is it like a vision? Like, do you see something or hear something? What is it? Yeah, I scroll through the Bible. Like, I literally thumb through my physical Bible and just ask God, "Okay, what do you want me to read today?"It's not about getting it correct. It usually just pops up in my mind like, "Okay, maybe I'll park myself in Psalms today," and, "Okay, I'm reading this. I'm perusing through the pages."It's not overthinking.Yeah, it's not overthinking. It's just some people call it, like, throw the dart, see where it lands. Yeah. I like to think of mine as more of a Holy Spirit throw the dart technique.Yeah, so I do that. I read it because the Word speaks to us in many different ways in different seasons.Sometimes a verse can mean something in one season, and in another season, it could mean something else to you. It's so personal, that's why I love reading the Word. But I usually read it, meditate on it, journal down what I'm sensing.Yeah, that's good. That's like daily. You're taking care of your soul. Daily, not waiting for a buildup to happen to address the problems in your soul, but like every day examining what's going on inside. It's like daily maintenance.It reminds me of, sometimes, my computer, for example. I have so much memory storage buildup from random documents and files. Sometimes I need to download a big file and I'm like, "Oh, dang, if I had maintained my computer more regularly..." I'm in stress right now trying to clear out the storage, trying to figure out where the files are that I can delete.But thankfully, we got a really good app recently that has alerted me more regularly. Like even just today, before this recording, it popped up and told me, "Hey, you're getting to a point where you need to clear storage," and it gives me these regular reminders, probably every other day, of ways I can clear out unnecessary things.CleanMyMac. Yes, that's the product. This is not sponsored, this is not paid. I just found out our friend works there. So shout out to Chris, Chris Chu, who was our wedding photographer. He works for them. Oh, cool.Anyway, not sponsored. Yeah, I've learned for legal reasons, when you mention products, you're supposed to have a disclaimer. This is not paid at all, and this is a really good brand.Really cool sound effects. Anyway...So yeah, that's just a metaphor I was thinking about. Like when it gives you those daily reminders, you're never at a point where, like, "Oh shoot, now I'm urgently trying to clear my storage." And I think it's even more... That's just a lower-level consequence, but for our souls, when we let things build up, which I have really learned the hard way many times in my life, of not knowing.Because I feel like Alex is a lot more naturally introspective. I would say, as an INFJ.I feel like Jesus was an INFJ, so I'm pretty close.I feel like Jesus was probably, like, all of them combined.Anyway, yeah. Alex is... I think maybe people listening to this would be like, "Oh wow, he's a really introspective guy. I don't know if I could do that, you know? If I could see myself doing that." I'll just say, I'm not naturally introspective or I am, but in a different way. I'm much more on the go, like trying to do things. And so for me, it's been a huge journey getting to a point where it is a regular, consistent discipline.And I'm not perfect, either. I'm not saying I do this perfectly every day, but I think the majority of my days, I do intentionally carve out time. If I haven't done that that day, I need to just happen to, like, how am I really doing? How is my soul? What is God saying to me right now?And it doesn't have to look like a whole complicated or sophisticated ritual or routine.We just wanna address some other challenges because I think I have a lot more challenges than Alex when it comes to this.Yeah, if you are listening or watching and you have these challenges, you can resonate. It's finding the time, not knowing how to really prioritize it, feeling honestly just lazy. Like, you'd rather just do something else, play video games or whatever. Or even perfectionism of, like, "Oh, if I can't do it right, I'm just going to give up." Kind of like when you set New Year's resolutions and then you fail, you know, the second week, you're like, "Ugh, forget it."These are just three tips, and we'll have more to add in the Reflect and Apply Guide. But the first one I would say is just don't try to see soul care as a rule again, like going back to the whole Sabbath thing. Soul care is not an obligation or a restriction that you need to adhere to in order to be a good Christian. Soul care is something that God created, calls you into, and invites you into for your own good, so that you can walk with him into life, peace, and rest.Regardless of your circumstances, Psalm 62:1-2 says, "Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from Him. Truly He is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress. I will never be shaken."And you know, oftentimes in life, we are shaken by so many things. So if you just frame this as a way of, "I don't want to be shaken by the things of this world. I want to be rooted in God as my rock." Even if I don't feel like it, even if it doesn't temporarily feel as good or instantly gratifying, just knowing that spending this time with God and connecting my heart with him is worth it for the long term, to not be shaken.That could help you see the long-term view rather than trying to choose to eat healthy foods versus junk food all the time, as Alex was saying. But it's not our fault that we eat junk food because a lot of us, myself included, were just never taught the nutritional facts and how it impacts us.Right. So same thing with things like this. The second thing is just start small. Incorporate little ways of soul care into your daily routine. And we actually talked about very practical ways of doing this in our previous episode, Episode 12, with Anthony Kennada.He was talking about how even though he's a busy CEO and co-founder, he incorporates these spiritual practices and rhythms into his life as a non-negotiable, especially after he had this really crazy health scare.And also, I believe it was Mica who talked about in the Holy Spirit episode, like on your commute, on your drives to work, you can just quiet yourself and think about what God is saying to you right now, or how you can converse with God and tune into what he wants you to know from him.And the third one is just to seek accountability. I know this is a very scary term for many people. Like, "I don't want people to know my junk." But it's really, I mean, if you're serious about growing in an area of your life, finding someone to help you in that journey, to support you in it, to call you out with love, to check in on you genuinely and ask you, "How are you really doing?" You know, we have a lot of people who will say, "Oh, how are you?" "I'm good." "Okay, that's cool."But it's so important and powerful when you have those people who are like, "How's your soul? How's your heart? How's your relationship with God?" And we've talked about the importance of having people like that.I would say for me, Alex is definitely a really, really good accountability person because he's always asking me, even when we were dating, like, "What is wrong? Why? Is there something wrong with me that I don't know I'm feeling?" And he keeps asking me how I'm feeling. So he keeps me accountable.It's because I have friends who keep me accountable.Yes, the chain effect.So yeah, just to recap, I just want to reemphasize that soul care is really this lifelong pursuit of a deep connection, relationship with God.It's not just a nice thing to have, like, "Oh yeah, if I have time, I'll tap into this soul care, whatever."Maybe some people are like, "Oh yeah, it's for retired people who have time." But it really is an essential part of how we were created to live and thrive in God.And I would say it's increasingly important as our culture is speeding up, fighting for our attention. There are so many fears and anxieties increasingly. So the more we feel that inside of ourselves, the more we actually need to fight against it and make sure we're bringing these worries and honest feelings to God. Letting him help us address and heal them.Yeah, so just to close out our time, we hope that you got to enjoy our journeys with soul care and self-care.But just to recap, self-care is more about the physical, the mental, the emotional. It seems a little bit more surface level, but it's still important. Soul care is more about the spiritual, and God wants us to thrive in all those areas because you can't have one without the other. We're holistic beings. We need all of it together.It's like if you just worked out this one arm and then the rest of your body didn't work at all. Yeah, exactly. Full-body workouts. That's good. We've got to do some spiritual burpees.Spiritual burpees.Well, as an action step, there is a Reflect and Apply Guide as a starting point on your journey with soul care. And then, babe, do you want to close this out in prayer?Yeah, sure. We just felt, we don't always do this, but we really felt like we wanted to pray for you if this is something you want to tap into. So yeah.Lord, thank you so much for this opportunity we have to speak about soul care and caring for the deepest parts of us. It really is so hard, God, to know what to do or how to even start. And so we just want to pray for whoever's listening or watching, God, if they are struggling with this, if they maybe feel stressed and they don't even know why, maybe they have anxiety or depression and nothing seems to be working.We just pray, God, that You would help them and lead them to take steps towards really caring for the most inner parts of themselves that are not going to be addressed by these outer, more external things, God. But we also pray for people who don't even have the first part of self-care too.We pray that you would just give them inspiration and ideas of what is truly fun and life-giving for them and how you've wired them uniquely. Like some people really like sports, other people really like baking, and other people really like arts and crafts or cooking or whatever. And yeah, every person is just so unique that you've made them uniquely, but all in Your image, God, all in your image of rest and being a holistic person.So we just pray that you may spark this new, renewed fire, this renewed interest and commitment, God, to really prioritize how we love ourselves so that we can also love others. And not with an artificial kind of self-made love, but really just embracing and opening ourselves up to receiving your love and showing that to ourselves as well.So yeah, we just pray that through all this, we would all become more rich in our walk and our relationships with you, God. And you would just empower us to overflow all of that into other people's lives so that we could be more fruitful, more impactful, and more natural conduits of your love to others, God.Thank you. In Jesus' name, Amen.Amen.This was so good. We hope that you guys really were encouraged by this conversation. This is, again, like high-level stuff. But we would love to know what you think. If you have more questions for us and topics, we really want to know because we don't want to create episodes just about things that we want to talk about. We want to talk about things that would help you.So please leave a comment on our YouTube or on our social media and let us know what you want to hear.And again, if you found this helpful, it would really help us to help other people, too, if you share this with your friends, your small groups, or social networks. Whatever it is, we just want more people to go deep and think about how do we really live these things out in our everyday lives. So yeah, we'll see you guys next week. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks!